When my son was 12, he burst into my room and declared, ‘Dad, I want to start and run a successful business, and save a million pounds before I’m thirty!”… My wife said, ‘Sure thing, sweetheart.’ His brother couldn’t stop laughing. I asked if he was hungry…
But that’s when it all changed. For the past five years, this dream has been his guiding light. He’s chosen his studies, made friends who share his vision, figured out how to save and invest his money wisely, planned his vacations, and made sacrifices every day to reach his goal.
Now, my son is different from most of his peers. He’s got a clear direction, unlike his siblings who have no idea what they want to do with their lives. And he’s different from me at his age. Most of us have no clue what we want to do with our lives, even after we finish school, get a job, and start making money.
Between the ages of 16 and 35, I changed my career aspirations more often than I changed my underwear. And even after I started another business, I’m still trying to figure out what it should be with my business partner.
Chances are, you’re more like me than my son, and you’re probably struggling with the same question: ‘What do I want to do with my life?’ ‘What am I passionate about?’ ‘What do I not suck at?’
We often get emails from people in their 40s and 50s who still have no clue what they want to do with themselves. It’s a common struggle for adults, but it’s something we can overcome.
Here is a twist. You can not find your purpose…
Purpose is made. Not found.
Okay, let’s talk about this whole “life purpose” thing. You know, the idea that we were all born with some super important “thing” to find? It’s about as logical as believing that spirit crystals can cure your cancer or that your lucky number is 28, but only on Tuesdays. When you are lying on your back. On a picnic table. Under a full moon.
Ugly truth: You will live for some undetermined amount of time. During that time, you will do stuff. Some stuff matters, and some doesn’t. The stuff that matters gives your live meaning and makes you happy. The other stuff? Well, it just wastes time.
So, when people ask, what is their purpose they’re really asking: “What can I do with my time that’s important?”
That’s a much better question. It’s easier to handle and doesn’t come with all the silly baggage of the “life purpose” question. Instead, get up and figure out what is important to you.
Nobody can answer a question of what is the purpose of Your life. I can’t answer that. I’m not the one to decide what’s right or important for you.
But at Solutions Makers we have some really good questions to help you figure out what’s important to you and what can make your life more meaningful.
The next 5 seconds - when you enter your email below - can change your life. It has already changed lives of hundreds of people…
What are you willing to sacrifice, and what struggles are you willing to tolerate to get what is important to you?
“I want to lose 40kg in 6 months, get great abs, and look sexy!”.
Great! Are you willing to spend 4-5 hours every day, after you reach your target, for the rest of your life to maintain it?
“I want to be a great athlete and win medals!”
Amazing! Will you wake up every day at 4am, 365 days a year, practice relentlessly for hours, pop out to work or school, and then return to workouts in the afternoon? For decades? Accepting the risk of injuries? And to sacrifice your relationships, education, vacations, parties with friends, and eating out?
Life’s all about sacrifices and costs. Nothing’s always fun or uplifting. So, the question is, what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to put up with? What makes you stick with something you care about is how you handle the tough times and tough days.
If you want to be an entrepreneur but can’t handle failure, you’re not going to make it.
If you want to be an artist but can’t handle rejection thousands of times, you’re done before you start.
If you want to be a doctor but can’t stand the 90-hour workweeks, I’ve got some bad news for you…
What unpleasant experiences can you handle? Can you stay up all night at an operating table? Can you put off starting a family for 10 years? Can you have people laugh at you over and over until you get it right?
So before you continue reading, make sure you can clearly and confidently answer the question: “What are you willing to sacrifice and tolerate to get what you want…”
Ok. Next question:
What is true about you today what would make your 8-year old self and your 80-year old self cry?
When I was a kid, I was a total computer geek. I’d spend hours locked in my room, learning, reading, coding, programming, hacking, cracking, and exploring early attempts at computer networking. I didn’t care if anyone understood it, or if anyone was impressed… I just liked the nature of analysis, diagnostics and problem solving.
And when years later I have finally got a place at Computer Science MSc at the University in the city where I lived - it all went away. So I decided to study medicine instead.
We all lose touch with what we loved as kids. The pressures of adolescence and young adulthood can suck the passion out of everyone. I was told that only reason to do something is if I am somehow rewarded for it. And the transactional nature of the world can make us feel lost or stuck.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that I rediscovered my love for problem solving. And it wasn’t until I started my own business that I combined my analytical skills with the joy of helping people, curing their ailments, and making their lives better.
Why didn’t I do this before? Because I have never asked my 8-year old self and my 80-year old self this critical, life changing questions:
What childhood passion have you lost to adulthood?
What will your future self regret and wish you had done today?
What makes you forget to eat and sleep?
We’ve all had that experience where we get so wrapped up in something that minutes turn into hours and hours turn into “Gosh, I didn’t eat, it’s already morning, and I need to go to work?”
Isaac Newton’s mother had to regularly come in and remind him to eat because he would spend entire days so absorbed in his work that he would forget.
Back in the day, I was like that with video games. I’d spend hours playing instead of studying, showering, or talking to people.
But then I realised that my love for games wasn’t about the games themselves. It was about getting better, problem solving, strategising. And when I applied that same obsession with self-improvement and problem solving to my business and to helping people, things started to take off…
, is obsessed with human performance, teaching and competition. For you, it maybe something completely different: maybe it’s performing at stage, driving on a racetrack, writing books, or sailing. Try to understand the cognitive principles behind those activities that keep you so engaged. Because those principles can be applied to other areas of your life.
So before you continue reading, please make sure that you know what are the things that you truly enjoy doing.
What can you become really bad at?
To become great at something and do something important, you first have to suck at something and have no idea what you’re doing.
Think about it: This is true for ANY skill or ability. And to be terrible at something and have no clue what you’re doing, you have to be willing to be embarrassed, humiliated, and ridiculed. Often.
And if you avoid those uncomfortable feelings, I got some bad news for you. You will NEVER be good at anything.
Right now, there’s probably something you want to do, something you think about doing, or something you dream about doing, but you don’t do it. I am sure you have your “reasons”; the very same reasons you have been repeating to yourself over and over and over again...
If your reasons are something like, “Going out and drinking all night would probably mess up my brain, and I care about my brain’s health.” - then that’s all good. But if your reasons are, “My parent’s would not want me to do it,” or “My friends would laugh at me” or “I might fail” then chances are, you’re actually avoiding something you really care about due to self-imposed self-limitation…
Nothing worth having comes easy. You have to go against the crowd. And this is scary (luckily we have a Solutions Manual on this topic, too).
What is larger than me?
The research is clear: to live a happy and healthy life, you need to hold onto values that are bigger than your own wants or needs.
That feeling of making a difference is what really matters for your own happiness and fulfilment. And that’s what purpose is all about.
Sara and I care about helping people live fulfilling lives, free people from the limitations they impose on themselves. We are obsessed with helping people make the most of the time they have left. Help people to put their lives back on track. We have figured it out, but many of our friends and colleagues suffer needlessly.
Find what problem you care about that’s bigger than you, and be sure you are clear that you know how you can make a difference.
If all jobs paid the same, and everyone had to work, what would you choose to do for the rest of your life?
People are creatures of habits. We default to what feels familiar. We distract ourselves. The couch is comfortable. The beer is cold. The “friends” say the same words every time. Same TV shows on New Year’s Eve… The days go by.... And nothing changes…
This is kind of a problem.
Your passion is the outcome of your actions. It is NOT the reason you act…
Read it again, and let it sink in.
Here’s a little thought experiment: imagine a world without internet, social media and video games. Imagine a world where everyone is forced to leave home every morning and you can only return to sleep at night. Every job in the world pays the same. How would you spend your life? What would you do every day?
Want to be a chef? A librarian? Study astrophysics? Teach step-aerobics? Work on a construction site? Or garden landscaping? Sign up for classes at a local theatre? Invent a vaccine? Learn how to surf?
What would you do with all that time? What activity would you choose above all others?
What can you do with your time that is important?
If you were to die on this day one year from now, what would you do for the next 12 months?
Thinking about death can be scary.
It is also fucking useful! In this example, it helps you focus on what really matters in life and what is just a waste of time.
I started to ask this question to all new doctors who came to work in my department. Most people gave boring answers. But it made them think about their lives and change their priorities.
Death is the only thing that gives us a sense of how valuable is the time you have left.
When people feel lost or aimless, it’s because they don’t know what their real priorities are, and what they truly value. And when you don’t know what your values are, you’re basically living someone else’s life.
The end result? Unhealthy relationships, miserable work, unhappy life.
And the last question:
What are you likely to be better than other people at?
Important question, but you can understand everything about it by simply reading this post.
Write down the honest answers to the above questions on a clean piece of paper.
When you finish writing, it will become clear that purpose is not something you find. It is something you have to create for yourself.
If youngsters followed our instructions carefully, the answer is now written on the page in front of you.
Don’t forget to share this article with someone you care about, who would benefit from reading it!
