There is an experiment that should make you uncomfortable… In fact, this is one of the most unethical experiments known to me in the field of social sciences.
Imagine a researcher sits down with you and your partner. Nothing threatening. Just a simple request: write down why you are together. List the reasons you chose this person. Explain, in plain language, what keeps you here.
Seems harmless enough. Maybe even romantic.
But when psychologists actually ran this experiment with student couples, something unexpected happened. Most of the pairs who completed the exercise broke up within six months. The couples who were given a neutral, unrelated task mostly stayed together.
Writing down why you love someone helped end the relationship.
And the most commonly used tool from this most unethical experiment (“Why are you with me”) is the most commonly used phrase by the majority of couple therapists… despite well proven research that most people, contrary to what they feel, are NOT rational decision makers.
Much of human behaviour, from who we fall for to what we buy to how we vote, is not rational. And when we try to make it rational, we often destroy it.
What Is Manipulation?
Most people feel that they know manipulation when they see it. But ask them to define it precisely, and the edges start to blur.
Industry prefers to use the word “influence”. Most workplaces and leadership coaches use the term “motivation”.
A parent stops a toddler from eating soil from a flowerpot.
A salesperson explains the features of a product.
A doctor recommends a treatment.
All of these involve one person shaping the behaviour of another: